You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
