Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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