You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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