you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
