shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
