Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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