OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
