Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Less talking, more tequila
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize