I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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