Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
