DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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