Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
