She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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