i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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