I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
