Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
