Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
