My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
