dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
