It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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