Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
