dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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