Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
