i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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