And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
