im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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