Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
