I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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