Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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