i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
