Apparently you make a good broom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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