Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's blow job season.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
