I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
