update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
