Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
