South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize