I puked a lego.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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