Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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