No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
