I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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