I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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