Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize