$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
