This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
