either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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