You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize