i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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