In the future we'll all be gay
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
