Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just googled if crying burns calories
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize