I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize