Sacagawea was the original milf.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
