like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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