just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
