it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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