New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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