I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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