well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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