Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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