The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
