then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
