it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
