our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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