Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
