If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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