So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
