so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
