uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
