So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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