like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
