I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
