OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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