my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
