Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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