We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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