His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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