I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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