I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
