i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize